she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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