I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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