did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The uberlube is also flammable
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
