There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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