On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think i have two assholes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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