did you get engaged???
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
