We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
