SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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