I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
