Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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