you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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