you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
