Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
