Acid is not a monday night drug
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
