Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
