meet me or not, i'm out of control
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
