it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
