My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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