I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
