Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
