I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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