i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mom said you looked used
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
