I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
