I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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