I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
