Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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