Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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