Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
