You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
