just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
