nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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