I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i think i just lost a toe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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