my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
