I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
did i just pee glitter
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