I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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