So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
