Non-Jews are for practice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
