Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
