I smell stomach acid.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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