tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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