Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
