she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
