oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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