Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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