I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
