I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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