just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
