do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
