ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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