I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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