I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
