I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
