I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
