I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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