sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
