hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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