Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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