i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
