dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
