i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
