3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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