I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
