I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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