wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I need moral support for this bender
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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