dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
