I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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