dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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