Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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