I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
