Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
