my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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