I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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